Random thoughts

Irrfan (Khan), the actor par excellence, died last night and it hit me hard. It wasn’t exactly a sudden death. He was diagnosed with cancer two years back and had undergone treatment for the same. He wasn’t my favorite actor. He was undoubtedly one of the best ones and I loved watching him but there was no emotional attachment. And yet I am mourning his death. It is not the death of the actor or the person that I am mourning. I think I am mourning the death of a conviction, of complacency.

In the last few weeks, without any design, Aditya and I had watched a couple of his movies. He was fantastic, as usual, in all of them. We even watched Aditya’s favorite AIB video featuring Irrfan and spoke about his battle with cancer. I was somehow convinced he had made it. Not that he won’t ever die but that he had survived this ordeal. I was lulled into this false sense of security. And then in the next two days, he dies! I have been involuntarily crying on and off all morning because of this. Interestingly, the last time I cried for a death was when Irrfan’s character died in the movie ‘The Namesake’. Tabu was brilliant in that scene! (Can she ever be anything else?) But what brought out the tears (big, fat, ugly tears) was the awakening of the dormant, ever-existing-but-consciously-suppressed fear of losing one’s loved one. I FELT her loss in that scene. I have never fought the inevitability of death. I have never wished for my people to live forever. I accept and surrender to the finality of death. (On a personal level, I welcome it. I would be severely disappointed if there was life after death.) Having said that, I have never lost a near one. I have never truly experienced the permanent loss that only death can bring. I am a morbid person. So I have imagined my reactions to the loss of some people in my life and that exercise has led to anxiety, tears, numbness, guilt (and some serious judgment of one’s own sanity). But while I haven’t lost people, I have grieved for the absence or disintegration of certain relationships, loss of possibilities. I have experienced that deep loss that, while never fully going away, eventually stops hindering your living. After a long struggle, I have finally learnt to let go, to move on.

And so Mr. Irrfan Khan, while I still mourn for the loss of potential and possibilities by your unexpected demise and I sincerely try to feel the loss of your family and friends, I let you go. Rest in peace and we will do our best to move towards ours.

Some people achieve immortality after their death. Their lives, while not insignificant during their lifetime, achieve a certain aura posthumously. Their flaws forgotten and forgiven, only their achievements and talents are celebrated. But some are luckier(?) still. They are taken away before they have had the chance to mess up. Their innocence and purity still intact, they leave an indelible mark on people that stays unblemished way after they are gone.

Smita Patil was one such soul. Immensely talented, breathtakingly beautiful and widely popular she was everything one wanted in a Hindi film actor. She would light up the screen every time she came on it. From a glamorous siren to a village belle she covered the whole spectrum. She beautifully balanced the art house and commercial cinema divide. She was undoubtedly one of the best actresses we have had. But it was her death (and the manner of her death) that has given her the stature that, I am afraid, she might not have achieved had she lived on. Shabana Azmi, Naseeruddin Shah, Om Puri… these actors are right there with her when it comes to talent but they will never capture that part of the heart of the audience that Smita Patil did, not with her talent but with her dying. She died due to complications during childbirth - the ultimate sacrifice a mother can make for her child. She was gone before she could do full justice to the talent she was bestowed with. She died before she could play the many roles that would have been written especially for her and with her died all the characters that only she could have brought alive on screen. (And she definitely missed living out what would probably have been the most challenging role of her life - that of a mother!) But I also feel she died before she would be reduced to playing roles that would do no service to her talent or sensibility. She escaped the inevitable fading, the disillusionment that all, barring a few lucky, actors face at the twilight of their career.

Smita Patil will forever remain young, beautiful, talented, vulnerable and ethereal because she died young...

Growing up in an ultimate nuclear family meant I never had the typical childhood experiences that most people have - spending summer vacations at grandma’s place, celebrating festivals with cousins, big family reunions at weddings... but I had something that more than made up for the absence of a familial support - FRIENDS! My friends were (and very much are) my family. I have been blessed with friendships that have lasted decades and continue to grow stronger with each passing day. While not every friendship has lasted that long, each friendship had its individual role and has been equally important and beneficial during its lifetime. At the age when quantity of friends mattered, I was receiving enough number of “friendship day cards” to make me feel secure. Once the true significance and meaning of friendship dawned upon me (and the number of cards been given out and received decreased significantly), I realized just how lucky I am to already have that cordon of friends I can completely rely on for my varied (and weird) needs! I have friends to discuss - and, of course, complain about - movies, books, cricket, “certain” cricketers, politics, theatre, my mental health, their mental health, children, fitness, family, philosophy, career choices... and even a couple of friends to complain about! I have friends to reminisce about our past memories and friends to dream about our future together. There are brunch friends, lunch friends, coffee friends, dinner friends and friends where true conversations don’t begin before 2am! There are friends who have never seen me without tears and then there are friends who believe the only tears I shed are when I laugh too hard. There are friends who have become family and, more significantly, family members who’ve become friends. Blurring the lines further, I married my best friend! And of course there are a handful of those who are so that I can be...

So today, on friendship day, I can truly say, my cup runneth over...

The moment I read that Dhoni is going to captain the Indian team against Afghanistan, my gut told me we are going to lose this match. This was before I read the team changes or rationally thought about how good Afghanistan has been during the tournament. There was a bit of superstition involved too. It was Dhoni’s 200th ODI as a captain and I had a feeling he is not going to get a fairy tale end. I don’t think Dhoni himself believes in fairy tales. And I truly believe this is his last match as an international captain.

The fact is the team has moved on and while Dhoni still might be seen guiding the team often, it is no longer his team. And Dhoni, more than most other captains, needs his team! Dhoni’s team is built on mutual trust. He hand picks his individual players and invests in them. Once you have won his trust and completely (sometimes even blindly) trust him, you are set for a long innings. Kohli’s team is built on performance. You need to prove yourself time and again to be assured a place in the playing eleven. There are of course favorites and rejects in each team. (Rohit Sharma is a common favorite. And poor Rahane is out of favor with both of them!)
Both are individualistic captains but their ways are different. Dhoni takes the team forward by literally holding everybody’s hand whereas Kohli, being a far superior batsman, simply does it on the might of his individual performance, most of the time. Dhoni believes in the process and if the process is followed, the results are immaterial for him. For Kohli, success is the goal. And that is reflected in his team selection. Since Kohli has become the captain, the instances of players playing with injuries have been alarmingly on the rise. On paper it might look like the same team, but the dressing room dynamics have definitely changed.
Dhoni is my forever captain but Kohli is shaping up to be a good captain as well. And it is important that Kohli gets his team (and coach!) to make his own mistakes, learn from them and create his own legacy...

What Dhoni did on Wednesday was step into shoes that were no longer his size. (They were actually a size, twice removed!) So when Dhoni asks Kuldeep “Bowling karega ya bowler change karein”? instead of getting a sheepish grin from the bowler there was evident displeasure. And hence when the game was tied, I celebrated a personal victory! It may not have been a fairy tale end, but then again who believes in fairy tales?

Every once in a while comes a book or a movie that captivates me. (The frequency and number of such creations are getting progressively lower, but I think that's more a function of ‘my age’ than ‘the times we live in’!) As a medium, a book has a greater opportunity to be deep and intricate. It also has an almost infinite scope for the imagination of the reader. Every reader visualizes each character, object and situation differently. Whereas being an audio-visual medium, a movie has a lesser scope for imagination. A book has the luxury to spend time and effort on building and establishing every character and situation, make it as nuanced as it wants. A movie is more limited in that department. And hence very rarely we get a movie that is as good as the book...

My expectations from a movie are different from those from a book. I have a very high bar for liking a book. Books require more time and effort and hence their impact is more long lasting. I get more emotionally involved in books than in movies. I invest more in the characters of a book because I know them more intimately. Books are more a source of thoughts and ideas than just entertainment for me. (Although I have to admit a few of my favorite books are absolutely frothy and shallow!) I am less exacting with my movie expectations. Ideally a movie should make me think about it days after I have watched it. But I still enjoy movies that hold my attention while I am watching them, even though they may not enter my mind the next day. Movies have more of an immediate impact, a shock value. With most movies, this impact is rather temporary. And yet I watched a movie that was as good as a book…

“Kapoor & Sons (since 1921)” could easily have been a book. A story of a dysfunctional family set in picturesque Coonoor has all the elements of a good movie AND a good book.
The ‘old marriage’ comfort in the continual discord between the older married couple (Harsh and Sunita), the strained relationship of the two brothers (Rahul & Arjun), the ‘prop’sque, almost centenarian grandfather, the pretty, vivacious young neighbor (Tia) - things are exactly as they look and yet they are not. The marriage is obviously beyond repair but it is not going to break, hanging on with the tenacity of a typical Indian marriage of that generation, there’s open hostility from the younger brother towards the older yet there are moments of tenderness and companionship, the girl while impulsively attracted to one brother genuinely likes the other. All the characters are nuanced. (Except for the grandfather. His character is surprisingly uni-dimensional. I feel the director overcompensated for the lack of depth of this character with more focus on his appearance and styling.) The supporting and peripheral characters like Arjun’s best friend - Wasim, Anu - with her Rebecca-like presence in the household, Harsh’s younger brother and his family, Timmi - whom we never get to see on screen but plays a significant part in the story, Kishore - Tia’s househelp and even Tia’s friend, Bunkoo - all add to the dimension of the film and contribute to the drama. The interpersonal relationships between the characters and the unveiling, more like peeling the layers, of their secrets and deceit is done so beautifully and organically!

The reaction of the family on learning Arjun’s baggage is ‘lost’ by the airlines is very telling of the dynamics and the characters of the family members. It is much later that the true significance of the delayed baggage comes forth. The scene with the plumber is hilarious without trying to be funny. My most favorite scene is the one when Rahul is posing in front of the car he has damaged and Harsh’s outburst over it, till he finds out that Rahul is responsible for the damage and his sudden change in tone. The camaraderie between the brothers is always underlying, coming forth in such scenes. I simply loved the relationship between the brothers. Despite the repressed anger and resentment there is love.The casual courtship in the cemetery is reflective of the relationships these days (this makes me feel so old!). The outburst at the birthday party is very sudden and shocking. You should have seen it coming a long time, but you get so used to the disharmony between the characters that you are lulled into a false sense of comfort. The family reunion has the warmth of an old, well worn sweater. But the best piece of drama is when all the secrets tumble out one after the other. The build-up to the final showdown is agonizingly slow and hence effective. The lines between the betrayed and the betrayer keep on getting blurred. You think that the drama is over now that all the ‘truths’ are out. And then there is the final blow! The grieving is also beautifully shown. Everybody is grieving for their own loss. The end is not exactly happily-ever-after, but it is as happy as this family can possibly get and probably deserves to be.

The casting is PERFECT! All strong actors matching each other’s prowess. (The weakest actor happens to be the most good-looking in the movie, thus all is forgiven!) Rajat Kapoor and Ratna Pathak Shah are fabulous as the acrimonious couple. Fawad Khan as the perfect Rahul is, well, perfect. Siddharth Malhotra is probably the weakest actor amongst them all but suits the character of Arjun and the fact that he is quite the hottie helps his case. Alia Bhatt is good as usual. Her breakdown scene is very touching. Rishi Kapoor is the best character actor we have today. There isn’t much scope for acting here, but he does it really well. He provides the perfect foil to the underlying tension between the various members of the family. The supporting cast does its job well. I liked the guy playing Wasim. He has a good presence.

The real winner, though, is the director! Shakun Batra has written and directed a great film. It is difficult to keep a viewer engaged with a story where on the surface of it nothing is really happening. The nuances and the layers of the characters and situations is what is so compelling about this movie. I have already watched it three times. Every time I watch it from a different character’s perspective and every time I find something new in the movie. I am sure I am not done yet.

‘Kapoor & Sons’ is not a typically happy movie. But it is not a morose movie either. There is no lesson to be learnt or an epiphany to be had. It’s just a slice of life movie. But it is the first movie I have watched that made me think this would make a great book - it makes for a great read!

I felt cheated on the very first day of the second test against South Africa. The glaring absence of Rahane and replacing Bhuvi with Ishant Sharma made me see red. How can you expect the team to win if you do not play your best 11? Yes, Mr. Kohli, I am naming the best 11 that should have formed the team against South Africa at the Centurion. This match made me realize how insignificant and helpless I am in the scheme of things. Feeling as passionately as I do about the Indian cricket team, I realized I have absolutely no say in it. I followed the score and hoped against hope for a miracle victory, but on principle I did not watch the match. I did not read any related articles, interviews (except one) or even the match report. It was my way of protesting against the bad choices made by the team management.

As the cliché goes, every game has a winner and a loser. I am OK with us being the latter sometimes. There are times when you know the team in not capable of winning and it deserves to lose. Then there are times when the team is capable, it tries and falls short (as it happened in the first test). Defeats under these circumstances are painful but acceptable. But this was a different situation. There was either arrogance or indifference in still not making Rahane a part of the playing 11. I would be lying if I say I have nothing against Rohit Sharma. I have been quite vocal about my grudge with him about not playing to his potential consistently and the extremely long rope his career has received over the last eight to ten years. In my previous post,  I had even commented that he doesn’t have a place in the team despite his current ‘form’. I never dreamt he would come in the team in place of Rahane! Virat Kohli, Cheteshwar Pujara and Ajinkya Rahane are our core batsmen in tests anywhere, but especially overseas. Sure, Rahane had an utterly forgettable test series against Sri Lanka but this is South Africa! This is where you need your test ‘specialists’. I am not saying Rahane’s inclusion would have guaranteed a better performance, I mean even Pujara failed on all occasions, but there is always a possibility of a longer, steadier innings from him than from Rohit Sharma. At stumps on day 4, when you are 35/3 with your top three batsmen back in the pavilion and  you need another 250 odd runs to win and keep the series alive, having a Pujara and a Rahane at the crease (or in the line up) gives you hope, something that the presence of a Rohit Sharma can not. I was flummoxed by Parthiv Patel’s inclusion in the team but later found out about Saha’s injury. I, however, believe Dinesh Karthik is a better replacement than Parthiv Patel.

Our bowlers did well to take 20 wickets in both the tests. But I think it is time we take a long, hard look at the relevance of having Ashwin in our travelling team. Not having watched the match, it would be unfair of me to comment on his or any other person’s performance (never mind that I am doing just that), but over the last couple of years Ashwin has lost his ‘lethality’. It is time we groom a successor for Ashwin.

The positives from the match were the 20 wickets and Kohli’s century. As much as I am fuming about his captaincy decisions I am just in awe of the batsman! If 90s belonged to Tendulkar, 2010s belong to Kohli. And I am impressed with how sorted he is most of the time. This series is a good learning experience for him and I hope he picks up the right lessons.

Having completely failed at the prediction of the series, I do not know what to say about the next match. I still believe we are capable of winning. What we need, to quote our captain, is “intent”!